There Ought To Be A Law…

I love this great country I live in and I love the fact it was founded on freedom. However, everything has its limits and the line eventually has to be drawn somewhere. I am proposing that there ought to be a law that regulates summer apparel.

I live in the South and by this time, it has become quite warm. I do not think I will be able to venture into WalMart again until the middle of November. I simply do not think I can bear it, as far too many tend to “bare it.” I do not have an attractive body myself, so I choose to keep the majority of it concealed. Thankfully, I did get some good hair and am not subjected to wearing a hat. That’s about as it goes LOL!

I belive there should be a nation-wide law that requires one to marshal in the “thang-thangs” and keep the “doo-dahs” under wraps. For those that happen to be “show case worthy” perhaps there could be a bit of a gray area.

This law could include certain guidelines…such as…if you put on a spaghetti strap top and it appears as if your head is on backward (see above photo), you might not want to wear it, as you run the risk of being ticketed by the SAS (Summer Apparel Squad). Being ticketed more than three times during a single season should require community service and/or jail time.

Nobody over the age of 13 would be allowed to wear those short shorts that have words written across the backside. If you can wear a pair of those shorts and they happen to read “Reds Bar, Grill and Bait Emporium, Chattanooga, Tennessee” and it is all legible, do NOT leave the house.

Lycra shorts, with nothing over them…totally outlawed as they tend to make appear as if one is trying to smuggle in a squirrel. It is doubly bad if  it appears  that way and you are not a male. That is an automatic summons to court.

I think this proposed law should also include a “no shoe horn” clause, meaning that if you require the assistance of someone  who is dexterous with a shoe horn to help wedge you into your chose ensemble, you need to find an alternate ensemble. In other words, if trying to get into your outfit is like watching a Great Bull Mastif trying to come in through the cat door, perhaps a larger size is in order. That can’t be good for your circulation, at all.

Basically, to sum it up, this proposed law would mean that  you can wear anything you want in public, as long as it fits. Just purchase clothing that is your size or bigger, that’s all you would be required to do in order to avoid ticketing, fines, community service and/or jail time. I may go ahead and write my congressman this evening LOL!